And the weird thing is, I don't feel mad or sad. Maybe because I still hold out a glimmer of hope, maybe I am just getting used to this, or maybe its because of this heinous job I have. These next two weeks will be the most stressful of the whole year (the show opens next Friday) - I am literally working from morning til night. I can't fall apart for even a second until March 21 because I don't have time.
I'm willing to do ANYTHING to have a baby. That is my number one priority. But I have this job that holds me back from truly taking care of myself in that regard. I'm not going back for the next school year - of that I am SO sure. But these three and half months until summer vacation still seem so long. I RESENT them. I try not to do a daily countdown because that makes me feel worse. I think I'll start the countdown at about 30 days left....
I told Greg that I wished I was pregnant and had to be put on bed rest because then I wouldn't have to go to work. How pathetic is that? I mean, obviously I want to be pregnant for many reasons, but I was actually thinking - maybe two or even three eggs took and I will be forced on bedrest for the first trimester.... Forced?! HA!!! Willing to run the risk of multiples because I hate my job? Nice.
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