But I admit that I am feeling nervous. For one thing, I am pretty crampy this morning. No spotting or anything, but definitely crampy. I know this can be very normal for early pregnancy.
However, I'm feeling a little deja vu. It was almost exactly this same time last year that I found out that I was pregnant. And that didn't turn out so well.
Last year we told our family on Mother's Day. We also told them that things were not off to a great start. So we were all happy that I had finally gotten pregnant again, but very cautious. My numbers were low and we were waiting to see what the ultrasound showed. Then came the ultrasound and then another and then another - never saw a heart beat. My numbers did not increase like they were supposed to. Blighted ovum. I started spotting the Friday of Memorial Day weekend and then came the shitty three weeks I'd rather not get into right now.
Mother's Day is this Sunday. That's been a tough day for me the last few years. Although last year, I found some comfort in the fact that I was actually pregnant on Mother's Day. I think I feel the same way this year.
I'm trying very hard to take this one day at a time. Today, until the appointment, I will take it one hour at a time. At this point, I have no reason to worry. My first two betas were good. I wish they had taken more, but they didn't because the first couple looked great. And after the appointment, we'll know a little bit more.
I feel pretty nauseous and tired, so I think some couch time with The West Wing and/or my book will help pass the time.
By the way, I am really big. I seriously look like I did when I was three or four months pregnant. And my boobs are big too. Well, not BIG, but big for me. I caught my husband staring at my chest last night (I was wearing a tank top because its gotten warm here again). He was really GAWKING. And I said "I know right?!" I mean, I look pretty pregnant. And its barely started. For some reason that makes me nervous too.
I guess the point is - I'm fuckin nervous today.