Renewed determination

So I stayed home sick today - I seem to have caught the bug half of my cast had during Tech Week.  Although I started to wonder if I was having symptoms from another cyst - headache, fatigue, nausea, a little woozy... That's how I felt after the first IUI that resulted in a not-insignificant cyst.  

So I emailed my doctor this morning to see if she could get me in and she did.  I had not been in to see her since the negative pregnancy test - there simply was no time.   We had decided that starting another round of injectables during Hell Week was not something I could handle.  So this is a month off.  Anyways....I haven't written a post for so long, I didn't go in to see my doctor at the start of my current cycle, I had to take a month off, I haven't even felt bad about not being pregnant....all because I was SWAMPED with trying to get my show open. Which I did with great success by the way!

Now that the show is open and the rest of the school year should be do-able (not EASY mind you but nowhere near as stressful as it has been), it is back to "trying to have a baby."  And, for the moment at least, this is very exciting and I feel renewed determination.

So at the appointment today, she gives me an ultrasound - I do not have a cyst.  Yay!  Guess I just have some virus.  She also said it looks like I am about to ovulate (on my own - no drugs!), so we could do an IUI if we wanted.  Sadly, the husband is in North Carolina for a week so that's not going to happen.  But the good news is, my left ovary is about to ovulate - we had started to worry a little that my left was not working, but it appears to be okay, at least in this cycle.

She also said she thinks we should stick with IUI a little longer.  Which made me breathe a huge sigh of relief - I know that IVF may very well be in our future, but I certainly wouldn't start that until school was out and I'm not sure my head is ready for that step.  This gives me a couple more cycles of trying during the school year - I won't feel like I have to put the most important thing in the world on hold any longer because of my stupid job.  We'll get to keep trying.  And if we need to go on to IVF, I can think it through in the summer.

What else?....  She wants to put me on Menapur next time instead of Gonal F because she thinks I go too fast on the Gonal and maybe my lining is not ready for it.  And she said we could do back to back inseminations to cover any timing issues.  The husband was not too happy to hear that, but he'll make it work.

I also asked her about my nagging fear that something is wrong with my eggs - like maybe ALL of them.  I have had two unsuccessful pregnancies and a very hard time getting pregnant when supposedly everything else is just right - my husband's sample, my lining, the number of eggs, my ability to carry, etc.  I told her I also realize that this may just take awhile and I haven't given up or anything, but I do have this fear.  It may not be rational, but its there.  So she ordered a blood test - I'm embarrassed to say that I can't remember what for, I should have had her write it down - MTA or something?  But I know its something to check the quality of my eggs.  

And, get this - she said that I should call when I start my next period and come in for a "talk." They won't charge me the $130 for a "talk."  But she is still going to "make sure" that I actually ovulated and don't have another cyst.  Get my drift?  What a nice woman.  

So, even though I don't feel well today, it was a good day.  The sun is shining.  I wore flip flops for the first time this year.  They played good music on the radio as I drove to and from the doctor.  I do not have a cyst.  And we are going to get a few more half-price IUIs out of my insurance before I stop working for this district.  And tomorrow is already Wednesday...

Let me finish by saying that I do feel like kind of an a-hole for being so excited about losing my job - did I mention that I was pink slipped?  When there are hundreds of thousands of people around the country dreading losing their jobs, I was so happy to see that envelope come certified mail.  But, terrible economy aside, the husband and I had decided that this job is just TOO MUCH.  Financially, we will be okay in the short term - not sure about the long term. Maybe we are crazy for taking this risk, but we are going to do it.  I will not go back to this job or this school even if they ask me (which they probably will).  And that makes me feel so much better.